As Aunts, we are a part of a family, and therefore there are always going to be interpersonal issues. That is just the nature of life.

People don’t all think like we do, they don’t all believe what we believe, and they all don’t value what we value. When we are faced with these facts, we can experience conflict and conflict can be really unpleasant. When we get into arguments with the people that we are related to, we have a tendency to blame. We tell ourselves that the other person has it wrong, that we are right, and wish that they could totally redo their personalities to be the type of person that we wish they could be.

What few people realize is how much of a part they play in the conflict. When we react to members of our family, we are often reacting based on a lot of shared history and undercover feelings that are the result of many years of being in a relationship together. It is because of this togetherness that makes it impossible to define where the fault lies for the issues that you may face together.

Pointing the Finger

To really make a positive change in a family, people need to understand the connection between themselves and those around them and to take responsibility for the part that they play in the conflicts that erupt. There is always some part of an argument or disagreement that we can take ownership of and there are always things that we could do differently to get different responses from our relatives. We point the finger because it is so much easier than taking the time to look inside and see how we are contributing to the relationship.

We have all heard it said that you can’t change anyone but yourself. While in theory this is true, people have a remarkable capacity for changing those around them by adjusting the behavior that they exhibit. When your family feels less threatened by you, they will act less defensive. When your family feels valued or acknowledged by you, they will react by being more open. It is hard to be the one to have to make the first move but the rewards are well worth it. You can actually diffuse people by making tiny little shifts in the way that you interact with them. It’s a pretty powerful tool if you have the guts to use it.